She also explained how understanding these common relationship dynamics can help people heal. “A lot of people walk around fearing that they are defective, hopeless, invisible, or abandonable, usually from some combination of their biology and painful experiences. Learning about attachment styles, core beliefs, early experiences, and even inborn personality factors, all help people to realize, ‘I’m not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with me. This is what humans predictably do when they’re scared, and there is a way to feel safe again.'”
“When both partners truly understand themselves and one another without condemnation, that little fear inside of them begins to take a backseat and they can be more present and less reactive and defensive. I absolutely love witnessing when a partner takes a small risk to drop down her guard, and the other partner is regulated enough to openly lean in and validate it.
Understanding where a person is on the core-belief-attachment map also informs what that person most needs in everyday life in order to stay feeling regulated and safe.”